My gift

My name is Susan. I’ve just been given a gift. Some might call it something else, but for me, this is a gift. I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Why do I call this a gift? I’m so glad you asked. I hope to explain that to you as I share my journey with you. And as I begin, let me share where I got my mandate.

John 9 begins with a conversation between Jesus and his disciples. They are observing a young blind man and ask Jesus why this happened to him. They wondered if the blindness could be the result of his sin, or maybe his parents’ sin. Jesus responds that it was neither, but so that God would be glorified.

That is my mandate. God has given me this cancer so that I might give glory to him in a way I could never have done before. I hope you follow along as I discover where my journey leads. I am still in the info-seeking, planning stage so the only changes which have taken place have been in my mind and heart. This is how it all began…

Life had been busy with new grand babies and three moves. The mammogram had been postponed time and again until my doctor said, “This year, Susan. You must get it this year!” Of course I waited… until my birthday week. It was drivers license renewal time, so I thought I may as well get that mammogram done too. Happy Birthday to me: they called me on my birthday to request another look at something suspicious.

After the second mammogram, I was in that limbo of not knowing. The time when you have all these unanswered “what if” questions; devouring information but not knowing if it would be needed; thinking about it always, but not ready to discuss it with friends; praying, but not knowing quite how to pray.

Two days before the biopsy, came peace. It was Sunday and I was filled with so much love from God, it was glorious. My emotions were a bit unstable and the tears rolled down my face, but they were happy tears. A lady sat next to me during church. She had her grandson with her and I had mine with me. We introduced ourselves. Then, when she stood to share with the church that she was celebrating her 2nd year being cancer-free, I knew God was there, telling me he loved me enough to bring this lady to sit beside me on this day to share her story.

On Tuesday, the call came in the afternoon. The biopsy showed cancer was present. All was quiet in my soul. I was just breathing. The world didn’t stop as maybe I had expected it would. I rang my husband’s phone, but he didn’t answer. This was my secret for now, me and God.

Tuesday night is Bible study night with the ladies at my church. That evening my friend, Patsy, shared her cancer story with the group. She had no idea what I had just learned! She had not planned to share it that night, but she had learned to be ready and to be obedient when the door opened. Again, God was telling me that He loved me so much, that he sent Patsy, my friend, to comfort and encourage me. It was later Tuesday night, after a long conversation with my husband, when I read John 9. This thing, this diagnosis, this cancer was no secret from the one who formed me in my mother’s womb. He selected my eye color, designed my fingerprints and knows the number of hairs on my head. He is the one who has numbered my days. If I don’t know anything else about my next step, I know this: I am to give God glory through this journey.